i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
