Already got asked if we're dating
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
