Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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