Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
