my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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