i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
