i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
