so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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