what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
