Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better