I have demons in me.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
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Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece