i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize