He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is Oprah even human
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.