im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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