Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!