K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
