This is not my ceiling
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
