I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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