That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
