so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
