No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
