I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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