Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
