I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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