he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
