Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
