Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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