Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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