you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
