I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
