so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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