my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you traded sex for a burrito?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
