You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
