My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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