And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
