Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
