OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
