Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
