So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
