i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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