left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize