ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
