There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
