this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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