I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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