you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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