rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
