Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
