I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
