i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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