So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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