stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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