that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
