I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
