like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
