Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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