jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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