I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
