Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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