Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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