remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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