think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
