dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
