I need help removing her.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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