Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
