I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
