dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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