There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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