you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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