I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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