What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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